I remember many years ago, when I entered the school gates for Kindergarten. I don't remember the emotions I felt or the thoughts that were running in my head, but I vaguely remember a huge revolving glass door that had 'The Westminster School' written on it in frosted glass. I remember looking around at the seniors and admiring their confidence. I remember having knots in my stomach.
I still remember the time I shifted to India. I was to enter eighth grade in a school here in Chennai. I remember how much the insects irked me, how I hated the monsoons and found the crowd to lack basic manners. I remember having a clenching feeling in my heart and the tears that I shed everyday. I missed what I felt was home to me - Dubai. I wondered if I would ever get used to Chennai, the social stigmas, the weather and the people. I often reminded myself that I was one of them, but it was utterly impossible to believe. I remember feeling like an outsider wanting to flee back home.
I remember the time I shifted schools after my tenth grade. It was sad to part ways with my old friends. I wasn't sure about making new friends and the posh environment of my new school irked me. It felt like being shifted to a huge city from a small town, where everybody knew everybody. Here, there were gossips, style, studies, competition and I felt like I would never belong. I felt like a parasite on a dog's skin.
I very clearly remember how I felt when I entered college. I felt proud of myself, like an eagle soaring the skies. I was happy to be an adult who would be responsible for her life. I was very enthusiastic to shoulder my responsibilities and outperform myself. But, deep inside, I was scared. I was scared to know that I had no one to blame if things messed up. I had nobody who would tell me I was wrong. I was scared that I would misuse my freedom. I was afraid to end up as a somebody.
I can clearly recollect how I felt when my sister was born, after experiencing thirteen years of being a single child. I look back on how I felt when I took every new step in life. I was scared to stumble. I was scared to trip, to being laughed at, in case I fell into the muck. But when I took the first step, life seemed much more beautiful than it had before. I fell into a comfort zone and experience these same feelings every time I need to do something new.
Uncertainty. I was uncertain. I was scared to expand my horizons. I was ambiguous about leaving behind my comfort zone to take a step ahead. I was hesitant, unsure where the future would lead me. I was worried about my debatable future.
Patience. Unfortunately, this is a quality that I have gone to hell and back to invest in me. I am still working on it. It doesn't exist in my DNA. But, uncertainty and patience go hand in hand. The patience to endure the unclear, the patience to hope for the best, the patience to see results and the patience to watch the beauty that uncertainty brings along unfold.
Determination. I know of people who have never grown into better people. They have avoided opportunities that life threw their way to stay in the well-rehearsed roles they had delivered before. They were determined to stagnate. Uncertainty requires people to be determined to cross the river in front of it. It grinds people, tests whether they have the skills to succeed there and then lets people flow into better scenery. Be determined to face uncertainty and watch yourself grow.
Love. Love is a powerful feeling. It is one that doesn't pamper, but creates. It makes a seed grow into a bud. It provides that initial push that every human requires to move forward. Love is love that helps one grow, face the unknown, helps push set boundaries and motivates to reach new heights.
Uncertainty has a charm that is not perceived by many. The charm of a new life, of a new setting, new happiness being delivered, potentials unleashed and new prospects opening up. The beginning and yes, taking the first step into the unsure is the most difficult. There will be hesitance, indecision, reluctance, dubiousness and second thoughts, stalling and dawdling. But beyond all these negative feelings and emotions, a wave of positivity, happiness and joy will beckon. Our standard of living and outlook towards life will rise higher. Our achievements will make us shine with pride. Self-respect increases, fear of the future decreases and life moves with a smooth flow, for we would have crossed the supposed hitch called uncertainty. :)