30 May, 2012

Regret or Rejoice?

I've been having one hell of a tough week. I'm going through rough times, but I'm pretty sure that I'll come out as a polished diamond. I love hope. I love faith. I love optimism. They keep me alive and help me look forward to good times.
But..
I hate not being understood. I hate not knowing why I'm doing what I'm doing. I hate failure. I hate not being to accomplish everything with ease. I hate my strained relationship with my mom. I hate it when my loved ones can't relate to my emotions. I hate it when the world dwells on my faults. I hate not being appreciated when I feel I deserve it.

I'm not my true self right now. But I really wanted to update my blog. I was itching to post something. I had a totally different concept and idea to write about, but I need time to think it through, experience it, live it and then share with you all.

When you fail, do you regret or rejoice? There's a quote that's stuck with me through this week of failures.

"For everything you have missed, you have gained something else.
And for everything you gain, you lose something else.
It is about your outlook towards life. You can either REGRET or REJOICE."

I love how music has the ability to heal. I hate how people can't tell me my faults at my face. I love how I can relate to the protagonist in my book. I hate how lonely I feel now. I love how I have a roof above my head and all luxuries that I can dream of. I hate how much we complicate life. I love how the simple things in life make me smile. I hate how failure makes one seem small in their eyes. I love how I can bury and camouflage pain with a smile on my face. I hate how pretense makes me feel disgusted. I love the person I am. But I hate not being me.

I'm sorry about this weird post. But I just had to get it out.

I hate my temper. I hate how a couple of words flare me up. I hate how rude I can be when angry. But I don't want to be the kind of person who doesn't react to things that are unacceptable to me. What do I do?

I've lost focus of things in my life. I've lost sight of my dreams, goals, ambitions and aspirations. I think it's time to take a step back and take a look at life. I want to know where things changed and what made things changed. I want it back to normal. I want to be me.

“Always be a first rate version of yourself and not a second rate version of someone else.”
― Judy Garland

“About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won't like you at all.”
― Rita Mae Brown

“When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everyone will respect you.”
― Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

“The easiest thing to be in the world is you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be. Don't let them put you in that position.”
― Leo Buscaglia

“If you believe in peace, act peacefully; if you believe in love, acting lovingly; if you believe every which way, then act every which way, that's perfectly valid - but don't go out trying to sell your beliefs to the system. You end up contradicting what you profess to believe in, and you set a bum example. If you want to change the world, change yourself.”
― Tom Robbins

“One's philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes. In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility”
― Eleanor Roosevelt

“Be yourself. Be true to that, to your heart. Patience. See what happens if you step back instead of bounding forward.”
― Nora Roberts
 
Beautiful quotes about being yourself.
 
Thanks for reading till here. :) I appreciate it. :)
 
I will try to be on my feet again and till then take care!
 
Now, do you regret or rejoice about what you've lost?

26 May, 2012

Working on my book: Chapter 1 Released! :)

I'm absolutely enjoying working on my book. I've been putting in so much of time and energy into it. I hope to release it by November 2013. Hope you guys like it. :)

Well.. Just to make you all curious and to make the book live upto my capability and your expectations, I've decided to leak post the first chapter. :) Please leave your honest feelings in the comment box. I'd love to read constructive criticism. :) Let me know what you feel I can work on more, how I can make it better, what you feel is lacking and so on.


CHAPTER 1


I hear Rishi cry. The milk boils to the brim and is about to pour over. I hear my husband call out my name. Chaos. This is how everyday begins. No matter how early I wake up to find peace, it is unobtainable. It doesn’t exist in my life anymore. I break out of my thoughts and turn off the stove. I run to my two-year old daughter’s room and cuddle her up till she stops crying. She flashes a smile. “My Rishi”, I said gently. She gurgled and cooed in my arms. This precious bundle in my hands was the reason I never tried to change the course of my life.
 I put Rishi and her favorite stuffed toy, Filo into the playpen and give her a bottle of milk. Knowing that she will be safe, I rush to attend to the person who blessed me with Rishi. My husband. Rishab Singh.
I wake him up with a cup of tea and a morning kiss. It has become a ritual. The burning passion is no longer there. Everything has become a part of our mundane existence. After he dresses up, I help him knot his tie and walk out. Tears burn my eyes to think of what our relationship has become. I blink them away and set about my daily chores.
I set the table for breakfast and switch on the news. Murder. Robbery. Petrol hikes. Nothing budged from the monotony of everyday life. My husband carries my daughter in for breakfast. I feed her paratha’s with great fervor. She spits half of it onto the floor and I subconsciously smile at the thought of my childhood.
Rishab gives my daughter a peck on her cheek, hugs me and walks out the door for work. The clock’s cuckoo reminded me that it was time to get to work. I clean up, dress up Rishi and myself, double check the locks and proceed to drop my little lady off at daycare. She resents going there.
I place her in the baby seat, buckle up the belt and drive as fast as I can, which is about 20kms/hr! Mumbai. A fast paced city with no time for life. A traffic monster with a belly so huge that it can take as many vehicles you feed it with. The car behind lets out a piercing honk. Sigh. I realize that I would be late to work. I switch on some nursery rhymes and watch Rishi move her body to the beats. “Rishi, Mumma loves you okay?” To which the love of my life responds, “I love u Mumma.” Broke my heart. The joy of these little emotions were lost in my struggle through life.
I drop Rishi off at daycare, which was quite a monster task, considering her tantrums. She cries, fusses and finally smiles when she sees her friends playing. Phew. The joys of friendship. I hardly remember talking to my friends recently. Wait, do I have any friends? I shove away the question to some corner of my brain and proceed to deal with the traffic.
After defeating the traffic monster, I reach work and park at my favorite spot. I love it, it’s shady beneath the Gulmohur tree and the bright, orange flowers always brighten up my day.
I work at Apollo Hospitals as a counseling psychiatrist. I help adults with mental diseases and children with special needs. It’s a satisfying job to be able to make a difference in a person’s life. I like listening to people’s problems, showing them a path and allowing them to solve it themselves. I love to see them grow stronger and happier. I love to see them conquer their weaknesses and grow into courageous people. I love my job. Mainly because it is a respite from the routine l vehemently hate.
Rishab always picks up Rishi from daycare and they go home early to connect, play and have fun. When my baby was born, I never missed being home during family time. I always looked forward to it. But now, I don’t even make an effort to watch their tactics. It flares me. Why can’t they grow up!?
Dinner is always the same. A soup, a main course, a sabji and dessert. While the cook makes dinner, Rishab and I watch the idiot box and make no attempt at conversation. We’re way past all that. Communication is about needs now. I enjoy our quiet time. I think. I’m not even sure of what I want anymore. While Rishab sets the table, I bathe my princess and feed her dinner. After they are done eating, my husband carries her to the room, sings old classics and lulls her to sleep. I love his voice. Memories flood me of how he wooed me for marriage with his voice. I had instantly fallen in love with it. But now, his voice was merely a reminder of the past. It was a method to put my daughter to sleep. Where had things changed?
Despite all the changes in my life over the years, a few things always stuck by me. They never changed. For example, my hobbies. I love reading, singing and dancing. They keep my soul alive. I love my daughter. I used to love my husband, but lately I don’t know. We are very disconnected. I love to venture pioneers in unknown waters. I love to be me, but I don’t know who I am anymore. I feel like I’ve lost my identity. I don’t remember my past or look forward to my future. I survive in my present and push through every single day. I’ve lost the meaning I had of love and life. I hope to find it soon through any means.

I am Arja Banter Singh, a mother, a daughter, a wife, a psychiatrist, a dancer, a singer, a philanthropist, a lover of wisdom, a bookworm and much more. 



Now, it's time for you to tell me what you feel!! :)

25 May, 2012

{this moment} Meeting up with an old friend. :)

"A Friday ritual. A single photo - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember" - SouleMama


I got a chance to meet up with my best friend of eight years. She was the one who helped me settle down when I relocated to Chennai. She taught me more than anyone can imagine. She stood by me when I was wrong and let me learn a lesson. She let me wet her shoulders with my tears and flashed smiles at my success. :)
The infinite sessions where I tried to grasp your unbelievable Math skills and chomping on chaat, ice-cream and chocolate eternally that if we could recover the money, we'd be billionaires! Pizza baking sessions, praying for good causes, baygon-killing-lizard sessions (:P) and the uncountable memories we created together. :)
Nicknames? Even they weren't limited in number. Calling you Samiyar (meaning saint), Sonu, Shali, Vaish, Vaishu, Kitty, Cat-scratchier, Cat-woman and so many more! And of course, you've stuck to one nickname you made up for me, which I'm not going to reveal here ;) :D

All these years I've loved you so much and I promise to do so. I promise to be there whenever you need me, hang out with you, make you my bridesmaid at my wedding (:D) and to never let you go from my life. :)

I love you and thank you for being such an awesome sister cum best friend cum twin!! :) :*

I LOVE YOU TWINIE! :)


Sorry for the blurred picture. Now you get what I meant when I said 'Chomping on ice-cream'!!! :D

Hugs!

13 May, 2012

{13 May} Currently Loving. :)

This is a series that I'm going to do every Sunday, where I will put up photos of the things that I'm in love with at the moment. This series is inspired from Rati's blog. :)

#5: Wooden bangles
I just can't seem to get enough of these! I love how chic and elegant they look and how they instantly perk up every outfit! :)


#4: Retail Therapy (yes! you read it right! :D)
Shopaholic. Sucker for clothes, skincare products, stationery and books. :D


#3: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice-cream
This is the second yummiest ice-cream I have EVER tasted! The first is Double Chocolate from Haagen Dazs!


#2: Writing My Book (currently working on it!)
Stay tuned to know more about this! :)


#1: Lone time
Everybody needs time off to think through their problems, set goals, sweep off past memories and to dream about the future. Cause nobody knows you the way you know yourself. :)


Hopefully, from next week, I shall be clicking my own pictures! :) Just wanted that push to start this series. :)

I hope you all enjoy it and I'd love to know what your currently loving! :)

A VERY HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL THE MUMMIES OUT THERE! :) *hugs* YOU GUYS ARE IRREPLACEABLE!

I  Love You Mom! :)

P.S: A special Mother's Day post coming up! :)

Hugs!

And a very Happy Birthday to my most favourite cousin brother, Balaji! :) Love you!! :)

08 May, 2012

Choice. Resposibility. Freedom! :)

There's one thing that everybody craves to have. It is so essential that even the constitution has laws to practice it. It's nothing other than FREEDOM. :)
When I was four, freedom meant being allowed to choose the clothes that I wore. At six, it meant being allowed to play with my friends after school. At eight, freedom was choosing my own hobbies. At ten, it was being allowed to stay out after five. At thirteen, being allowed to choose my friends was freedom. At seventeen, being allowed to choose my stream of study gave me a sense of freedom. And at nineteen? Making my career decision, being entirely responsible for my academics, being eligible to vote and not accountable to anyone for the decisions I take spells freedom.
I had a Mathematics exam today. It's a subject that I despite and it often creates havoc in my life. It causes a strain in the relationship between my parents and me and ruins my peace of mind! And today was no different. But when I was travelling back home after the exam with a friend, it suddenly struck me! Freedom depends on the choices we make. And freedom always comes with responsibility.
All of us are free to make our choices in life. Starting from the clothes we buy to the person we marry and the profession we practice, they are all products of our choices. A choice is one where we have the option to choose what we want. Sadly nowadays, we make choices not based on what we wish to have, but on the easier path out. Coming to my life, I chose Aeronautical Engineering because of the passion I had in aircraft's and my love for Physics. I followed my heart and ended up in a university, which offered me Mathematics as an additional subject! Instead of focusing on the positive and congratulating myself on getting the course I wanted, I started to whine about how much I hate Mathematics. I, till date, have never tried to tackle the subject or find my way through it. Instead, I chose to complain, fret and take the easy path out by blaming it on my genes! I kept feeling bad that I didn't have the freedom to choose what subjects I wanted to study. Till today evening, I never realized the enormous responsibility that came with my freedom to choose.
The freedom that I have at the age of nineteen also comes with the responsibility of gaining knowledge and scoring marks in my subjects, choosing the right people to invest time on, learning to save money and being accountable to my conscience. At six, it came with the responsibility of taking care of myself. At eight, I had the responsibility to practice the hobbies I took up. At ten, I was in charge of my safety. At thirteen, I was entrusted of being capable to love the right people. At seventeen, I was responsible for what I decided to do with my life and at nineteen? I'm responsible to live my dreams.
For freedom is a word that is synonymous with responsibility. I often think of quitting my course when it gets hard and too much to bear. Never till today did I realize that it was a choice I made and that I should stick with at all costs. For I didn't decide to quit cause I didn't love it, but because the going got hard. Remember, the more tough you are on life now, the infinitely easier life will be on you later. I made a choice to be a pilot and was adamant that I would complete my degree before my training. Everyone's advice of asking me to pursue Creative Arts or Journalism fell on deaf ears. I wanted to follow my dreams and work upon what I wasn't good at, than taking up something I seemed capable of. I made a choice and a life changing choice indeed. Isn't it my responsibility to excel in my field of study, rather than calling it quits?
Life offers everybody with two types of choice. The choice which suits your inner calling and the choice that suits your weakness. Choices that cause pain or pleasure. It is upto us to accept the painful choice that will mould us as a person. It will help us in the longer run. The pleasurable choices will make us feel like champions, for they makes us fall short of what we truly can achieve. They blind us with short-term gains and happiness, but regrets and sorrow in the longer run.
Freedom is in the hands of every individual in the form of choices he makes. Every choice will give him freedom, each of a different sort. Each freedom will also bestow a responsibility that he needs to handle. Handle your responsibilities wisely and watch yourself emerge out of the chrysalis as a butterfly. Just like how the cocoon grinds the monarch and moulds it into a butterfly strong enough to face the world, life will also throw obstacles and opportunities at us. It is upto us to accept these gracefully and responsibly and prove our potential to ourselves. For along with responsibility also comes what every person craves for, freedom. :)
Recognize your responsibilities, utilize your freedom to the maximum, make choices based on righteousness, passion and needs and life will seem a lot more fair. :)
Be a Butterfly, don't die as a Caterpillar. Let life grind you, smash you in the face and eat you up with trouble, but always focus on your goal and emerge as a beautiful butterfly that has conquered all odds and gained the freedom it deserves. :) 

06 May, 2012

Being Beautiful.

As I walked down the street on a bright Saturday afternoon, I spotted a beautiful girl who was wearing the most cutest clothes and had flawless facial features. I was awestruck for a moment and stared at her without a blink of the eye. Such a beauty she was. High eyebrows, brown mesmerizing eyes, a sharp nose and pink, plump lips. And when she smiled? Her smile reminded me of Jessica Alba! She was indeed beautiful. I was on my way to a temple to pray and I guessed that she was going there too. Upon reaching the place of worship, a beggar called out to her and asked her to help him. And oh my! Rude she was. She said that she had better work to do and asked him to cut his limb to seek more sympathy! I was shell shocked and my belief of her being a charming beauty dissipated.
I remained stunned throughout the day and decided to find out what real beauty is. Does your outside beauty which can be enhanced using makeup and cosmetic surgeries alone make you beautiful? Or is there another aspect of beauty that is often ignored? And in this search for beauty, a realization slowly dawned.
Being beautiful is not about how many people look at you or what they think of you at a single glance. It's about who you are. It's about what defines you. It's about what you live for. It's about being unique. It's about your dreams, fears, insecurities and those little quirks that make you YOU. It's about having the courage to be yourself. It's about making the world a little more beautiful with your originality. :)
When people get into a relationship, the main condition they have is that the guy/girl should look hot/beautiful/sexy. People should realize that outside beauty will change with age, but not the beauty inside. The way we think might mature with experience, the way we react might get less subtle with time and the way we perceive the world might be more sensible, but we will still be the same person. We will still have our peculiarities and whims. We will still have unique ambitions and dreams. We will still hope for something dear to our hearts. A relationship should complement you, make you a better version of yourself and allow you to grow. It should not be constrained by looks or appearances.
But! It is indeed very important to take care of your skin and body. One should focus on being beautiful inside, but should not neglect outer beauty. Take care of your skin and put on whatever you feel makes you comfortable. Put on makeup if it's a part of being you, but not because of social circumstances.
Always remember that people who are attracted to you because of your appearance will not stay by your side forever. But people who can see how beautiful your heart is will never leave you. :)

“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”
- Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Stay beautiful! :)

04 May, 2012

{this moment} Getting published :)

"A Friday ritual. A single photo - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember" SouleMama


You are what your dreams are made of. If you can dream, then you can accomplish. The first step to achieving something in life is to dream and aspire. My most favorite quote on dreams is "Dream and give yourself permission to envision a You that you choose to be."
-Joy Page

On this note, let me tell you a little story. There was once a girl who lived a comfortable life. She dreamed a lot, she was ambitious and wanted to pursue many, varied career paths in life. She wanted to be a pilot, a seismologist and a clinical psychologist. While all these career options caught her eye, there was one that captured her heart. Whenever she thought about being accomplished in that particular career, she felt butterflies flutter and roses blossom. Keeping her dream a secret, she decided that she would prove her mettle during her journey of life. She started to keep a journal, she shared it with her friends and got rave reviews, pleasant hugs and many suggestions. The ones she did follow were those that her heart believed in and wanted to do, for it was a life she dreamed to experience. She started a blog and wrote. Appreciation made her feel on cloud nine. Criticism grounded her. For what she wanted to be was a WRITER. She wanted to a well published, loved and appreciated writer. :)
And that girl is none other than me (which you must have guessed by now!) :)


Yes, I got my article on 'Passion' published in an international magazine, Infinithoughts. It's by far, one of the most happiest moment in my life. I felt my dreams unfold and saw a path ahead. A path that both my heart and mind want to pursue. While becoming a pilot tops my career list at the moment, being a writer will always run parallel to every dream I have in my life. :)
Thank you God for everything. And a HUGE thank you to those read my blog and enjoy my writing. You guys make my day. :)


The link to the article is on my blog: http://ablogtoremember-abi.blogspot.in/2012/03/passion.html


And the photo's of my article in the magazine are here. :)
The magazine :)


My article in the mag :))

My article in the mag :))


The above photo sums up my entire article in one sentence. :) It was a proud and a flattering moment when people who I look upto called up and appreciated my writing!! :))

This week has been a fantastic one! It was a no-classes week at college, so majority of my time was spent time at eat-outs with friends, completing pending assignments, gearing up for finals week, quilling cards for loved ones, talking about movies, food and fun! This week was a complete package of fun, frolic, stress (finals week!), work and hugs! Lots of hugs, appreciation and smiles of satisfaction on many faces, which shielded the layers of stress that finals week was about to bring! :)


To sum it all up, my week's been filled with friends, books, chit-chats, writing articles, food, movies, fun and goodwill! :)
Hope it lasts! :) And yes, during these times too, I was reminded of the quote "This too will pass" and thus, managed to make as many memories possible! Life it short, and it is here to be lived. :)


As usual, two quotes to end my week:
"If you can dream it, you can do it. Always remember that this whole thing was started with a dream and a mouse."
-Walt Disney

Yes, you can lose somebody overnight, yes, your whole life can be turned upside down. Life is short. It can come and go like a feather in the wind.
-Shania Twain

Love and hugs! :)
And do let me know how your week went! :)