31 October, 2012

55 fiction.

Arup and I were standing in the balcony, enjoying the sight. It was breathtakingly stunning.
Its structure, sporting a new trend, yet looking very beautiful. Arup pointed in the same direction and said, "I love the looks of that one, I've never seen one looking so unique and amazing."
He was absolutely right. It was the color of grass and a shade of yellow so unique, that I couldn't instantly identify it. It was transparent and reminded me of stained glass windows.

Aaaaaaaaah, the joys of watching colorful umbrellas during the monsoon.



30 October, 2012

55 fiction.

I watch as their bodies sway to the sound of music. I wonder how they are so much in sync. I look on from my spot at the bar, holding my drink, wishing Akhil and I could get back together. His hands clench her waist and their eyes meet. I am invading their privacy, screams my inner voice. I watch them lock lips. I let go of the breath I have been holding in. My eyes are moist.

I leave my unfinished drink and walk out, thinking of that line he always told me.. You will be the only love in my life. 


29 October, 2012

55 fiction.

I glanced sideways and realized that he was still staring at me. It made me uncomfortable, but he didn't seem to notice. I wanted to stand up for myself, but didn't want to attract attention in the process. But the final blow came when he said to me one day, "You are beautiful, but stop dressing up like this."

The man who had ogled at my breasts everyday through the six yard wonder felt he could control the way I chose to dress.

28 October, 2012

55 ficiton.

Everybody said I wouldn't make it through. The odds of beating it was close to nil. My closest support system let me down. They felt that I was slowly becoming a corpse. They didn't want to contaminate their lives by being a part of mine. But they never understood the reasons behind my action. I had a family to take care of; I was the sole breadwinner. Nobody gave me a job and I didn't see another way.
As I slowly watch my life fade away, I know I lived it to the best I could. I was a sex worker, now affected with HIV, who volunteered her dreams to give her siblings the best in life.






27 October, 2012

55 fiction. :)

One look into her eyes and I knew what she was pleading for. Inspite of the rain, she had come into the bar with a child in her arms. She seemed frail and weak, but the baby was chubby and happy. He seemed to enjoy the atmosphere of the bar. I felt guilt. I felt grief. But I was leading a happier life with a beautiful woman now.

I turned around and walked into the rain, relieved she had never asked for a DNA test.



P.S: This is my very first try at 55 fiction! I'd love to know what you guys think of it. :) I was in double minds whether to post it or not. I've read 55 fiction on Me's blog and it inspired me to give it a shot! :)




22 October, 2012

Your opinion? No, thank you.

Opinions,
Everywhere,
Given by everyone,
About everything,
How experienced really is one,
To give out their opinion?

How do you know,
If an opinion is worthy to be followed,
Does it become an advice?
Why do we have to say,
Something,
On everything,
When nothing would suffice?

Is it about having a stand on an issue?
Or is it having a view?
Does it imply,
That one has done 'serious thinking'?
Or is it random words strung together,
Hoping to make some sense?

An opinion,
Isn't right,
Isn't wrong,
It's a view,
Or a judgement passed,
Not necessarily based on fact,
Not quite based on knowledge,
Indeed words strung together,
Trying to prove one's 'mettle'.

Why pass an opinion,
When you haven't walked in the other person's shoes?
Why have a say on everything under the sun?
Why talk about things that don't bother or affect you?

Being blessed with a sixth sense,
Was not to dish-dash about unnecessary things,
It was to form an opinion,
It was to voice what you feel,
But only when the situations requires it.

Oh! I see many matters in question,
And even more opinions,
I truly now wonder,
Who asked them to voice their opinion,
When they haven't been there,
At that moment,
In time.

Be knowledgeable about everything under the sun,
Let your wisdom have no boundaries,
Let your thoughts flow,
Let your experiences carve you,
Live your life,
Form opinions about everything that matters to you,
But for all that I care,
Keep those opinions to yourself,
Until and unless asked for.



P.S: This poem was written in an emotionally unstable state. I generally sort out my emotions and then start writing, but today I just had an urge to pen down what I felt. I haven't thought about what I'm writing. A blank page isn't pleasing to the eye and this is what I could come up with, in the state I am now. 
If one really wants to voice their opinions all the time, start a blog or join a newspaper as an advice columnist. Somebody will read it and you'd find like-minded people.

Sorry for the sarcasm.


Thoroughly pissed,


I'm giving out awards! :)

I've been following quite a lot of blogs and try to catch up on reading all of them as and when time permits. From all those blogs that I do follow, there are two blogs that have left an impact on me. Those two bloggers have become my dear friends and I cannot skip reading their blogs. If there are no updates, I atleast read through their archives! :D

I wanted to show my appreciation and love for these fellow bloggers. They've become such an integral part of my life, that I cannot imagine not reading their work anymore! They comment on every post I write and leave constructive criticism. From how much I know them, they're very humble, grateful and always fun to talk to!

To know who they are, read on. :)

#1: The POSITIVE BLOG award to the wonderful Ashna Banga! :) 


It's raining awards for her and she really deserves each and every one that she gets! A wonderful writer who loves being behind the lens, a book addict, a management student, a person who believes that she was born in the wrong century and a very big foodie (she claims so)! :D
Every post that you read on her blog will leave you feeling refreshed, positive and with a smile on your face! She has the wonderful talent of putting out even her frustrations in a positive manner.
A person who leaves me puzzled when she claims that she cannot write poems. A person with a wonderful attitude, who really knows what the most valuable things in life are. She isn't about money, public image or career, but about those small things that we very often overlook and underestimate.

Let's hear it for this bubbling personality please!


#2: The EXPRESSIVE WRITER award to the charming Me!


An absolutely amazing writer whose observations about things in life will astonish you and take your breath away! A very passionate person whose love for writing is perceivable in every post she pens down. Her simple, yet eloquent method of writing will leave with a thirst to read more of her works. If there's one thing this charming and beautiful lady can't get enough of, it's love! She's a diehard romantic and all her love stories have a whiffle of fantasy and flutter of reality. :)
Every single post of hers has the power to compel you to leave a comment, no matter how busy one is. Her writings always strike a chord, touch that soft spot in your heart and linger on in your subconscious mind. She has no fears about showing her true self on her blog; she holds it very close to her heart. Love is her first name and gratitude is indeed her second.
A person whose writing will always leave you feeling a roller coaster of emotions!
She's been my rock support through my tough times, helped me do the right things when I've been lost and heard/read my chitter-chatter and responded to it with patience and love. She holds a very special place in my heart and even if we ever happen to move apart (NO! *touch wood*), she will  always be a person I can call my best friend. ♥

Congratulations Ashna and Me!! :)

But before you flaunt the award on your blog, answer the following questions! :D

#1: Which post that you have written on your blog is your most favorite of all and why?

#2: Which post that I have written on my blog is your favorite and why?

#3: How would you define love, hope, faith and life in a sentence?

#4: What is that one thing that you cannot tolerate in a person?

#5: What defines YOU in one word?

#6: If we were to meet somewhere out of the blue, what would you say to me? How would you identify me, if you had to approach me and confirm that it is AaeKay indeed!?

#7: Do you believe that people are allowed to break your heart in a relationship? (I know we trust them not to.)

#8: What is one thing that you love about yourself? 

#9: How productive are you? What do you follow in order to be productive? (This is because I'm trying hard to become productive; not working!)

#10: How did you come across my blog and what was your first thought about my blog and me?


I hope you guys have a good time answering the questions! I had a great time racking my brains for questions! :D

Congratulations again and I'm really looking forward to reading your wonderful answers!!


Love,


03 October, 2012

Suicide is NEVER a solution.

Eeriness,
Stillness in the air,
As I enter the street,
A gloomy disposition,
A downcast mood,
Miserable residents stay in a house,
For their son had taken his life away.

Love failure,
A reason that didn't deserve a life,
A problem that would have had a solution,
But life was thrown away,
Undervalued,
Underestimated,
Its infinitesimal value unknown to the common man.

How can something so cruel,
With the capacity to snatch away a life,
Be called love?
Was it selfishness, was it jealousy,
Was it overexpectations?
Nobody will ever know,
For the problem has been buried,
Ever since the heart ceased to beat.

Love..
Is unconditional,
Giving and forgiving,
A bridge to good things in life,
And a barrier to none,
Dreams flourish,
Goals with visions are set,
Potentials are unleased,
And the true self is awakened.
That is love.

Suicide can never be justified,
Leave a note or record a speech before you die,
Let the reason be debt or the reason be enstrangled ties,
Let it be love, let it be hatred,
Let it be loneliness, let it be a dead end,
But the reason is indeed a mere shadow,
When the sun rises and reaches its peak,
When the problem reveals its intricacies and therefore its flaws,
There, one will see a solution,
And the solution will NEVER be suicide.




 

01 October, 2012

Does a SORRY suffice?

In this fight, nobody wins or loses. You apologize and go on or learn a lesson for life. You either fight with your ego or compromise with your love. At times, you are aware of being wrong, but something stops you from admitting it. You wish you had never messed up. You can't see another way but letting go, but the heart holds on. What if you know that you're at fault, but can't admit it?

Painkillers don't lessen the pain that you feel. They work for a prick, not a stab. Every word that you say makes a lot of difference in a relationship. They are the foundation to your actions and if they are true and honest, nothing can damage the building. What if every word stabs you in the heart and all you want to do is rewind?

Rewind. The past holds all the mistakes and errors you committed. There was no regret about any of those acts till they were laid out for you to read. All you want to do is take them back, but there is no way to. You could promise to never repeat them, but who will trust you?

Why do the mistakes you make in life always take the limelight? Why are your failures the topic of discussion? Why are flaws enlarged so much and critically analyzed? No wonder the media industry runs on blowing up murders, rapes and such crimes. Our brain reacts to the bad actively. The good just have passive reactions.

How many times have you wished that you could just disappear off the face of the planet? How many times have you felt ashamed of what you did? How many times have you wanted to wipe off the past and start on a clean slate, only to not be granted that opportunity? How often did you wish you could get a hug and a nod, stating the other person understood you were wrong? Did those actions ever heal the void your mistakes created? Didn't it feel better than blowing up and listing out mistakes?

When you were wrong in a relationship and hurt the other person in ways immeasurable, but never intended to do so, does a sorry suffice? What if the guts to be wrong was there, but the guts to admit that you were wrong doesn't come up? Will you let go of the relationship to stroke your ego or hold on hoping that one day, you will come to terms with the other person, no, yourself?

The mind rushes forward. It is occupied by the stress of the surroundings, by the worry of upcoming tests and things that are material, but the heart doesn't cease to feel how wrong it was. Each beat feels like it lasts for eons. It longs for a touch that says, "I'm here" or a hug that says "I love you." Actions do speak louder than words. I truly understood that today.

What is the foundation of a good relationship? Communication? Love? Physical contact? Attraction? Fidelity? Loyalty? TRUST? Affection? I learnt today that all these give birth to a good relationship, but the base is trust, honesty and fidelity. Yes, and I truly lack in one of those departments.

I couldn't say any of this to your face, I'm not that gutsy. I'm a coward and egoistic when it comes to admitting my mistakes. Well, you have your theories. And your damn right, your not a fool. I am. I didn't know what I was thinking when I said all that I said. Maybe, I'm more flawed than everyone around. But, I've never learned a lesson the easy way. Moral Science lessons were never for me. Experience taught me and molded me to whom I am today. And this is will be the worst experience that taught me the greatest lesson I have ever learnt and I can't thank you enough for that.

No, I don't want your forgiveness, I don't want your love, I don't wish for you to accept me with a hug and a smile, I don't want to mean the world to you like I did, but I really hope that you don't hate me. I hope that you don't ask me anything more about the past. I hope you don't dig further and make the void bigger, let me nurse the wounds I inflicted on me, let me understand the depth to which I hurt you, let me know how wrong I was and let me never relive this experience. I can't face you anymore till I forgive myself, but I can't thank you enough for molding me into an honest, truthful and a stronger individual.


Relationships are like glass. Once they're shattered, you can never fix them back. You can use feviglue or any adhesive, but the cracks will always be visible. The only solution? Replace it with a new glass.


I'm sorry. I mean it from the deepest of my heart. I wish we NEVER talk about any part of the episode that passed, cause I still don't have the courage to admit my faults.


Love,