29 January, 2013

55 Fiction.

The way he laughed at my failure made me feel like a loser. "I would have killed myself if I had failed at that", he had said. It made my heart wrench. I had always thought of him as a well-wisher who loved me without boundaries. I had always felt that he accepted me with my strengths and weaknesses, but now I was seeing a new side to him, which he had so expertly camouflaged all along. A tear dropped onto my hand. I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I didn't know whether to cry about being misunderstood by someone very important to me, or smile about having my best(est) friend with me to squeeze my hand and tell me he understands.




26 January, 2013

55 Fiction.

I couldn't meet their eyes. I felt like a pest among the flowers. I wasn't needed here anymore. I was not worth it. I brought nothing but embarrassment to my loved ones. I couldn't make my life better and I was feeling like an outcast among my friends. I was always sure that a turning point would come sometime in my life, but now I was no longer sure.

Maybe I was born to be a failure.



P.S: I had a surgery, I failed in things that I shouldn't have failed in and I have exams going on at the moment. I don't know if you'll be seeing much of me around, but yeah, I miss you guys. 



12 January, 2013

A New Hobby! :D

 I've become obsessed with making collages. I just can't stop! I think about them when I'm in the shower, during breakfast and whatever time I'm not reading. :D

So I thought I'd put up a few I made up here.. Let me know what you think!










Okay here comes my most favorite one.. *drumroll please* :D



So did you like them? Do you have any such hobby that makes people give you weird looks and say, "Umm.. I'm sorry, but that's not a hobby!"?
 

 P.S: I used Shape Collage and Photovisi to make the collages.


Till next time,


11 January, 2013

55 fiction.

I couldn't bear the excruciating pain. All I could hear was my muffled screaming. I cursed myself for being here, if only I could change what happened that goddamn night. I felt like I would pass out any second, tiredness crept over my body. It was then I saw a beautiful angel in the doctor's arms. I didn't feel immediately recharged, overflowing love or instant happiness. But I felt peace and a smile slowly spread across my lips.

The nine months were worth it. 




03 January, 2013

55 fiction.

Our families felt that we were a perfect match. I was a good singer, I could lull the child to sleep a couple of years later. I was a great cook, which meant that I could cater to his taste-buds. I looked quite gorgeous, if I may say so myself, so he didn't have to be embarrassed to introduce me to his friends. His checklist had been achieved. When I asked my mother about him, she told me his annual income. There was apparently no need for communication, no need for understanding and no need to know each other.

The requisites for a successful arranged marriage were complete.  



55 fiction.

A piece of paper threatened to turn my life around. It was the presage of the terrible things that would evidently follow. Isolation, fear, embarrassment and shame would be permanent feelings in my life, for society perceived it to be my fault. If only mom had taken preventive measures.. If only I hadn't been born, could I have saved myself from this deadly disease.

How I wish people were aware that sex alone didn't cause HIV.




02 January, 2013

Why he felt I 'needed' to be raped.

I walked out one evening,
With my better half,
A pleasant evening it was,
Memories in the making,
That I could revisit in the future.

A white shirt and blue jean I wore,
The classic combo for a date,
I held onto his hand,
Unaware of what was to come.

I heard someone whistle,
I let it go,
I heard someone scream Sheila,
I brushed it away,
Bollywood influence.

Then came comments about my clothes,
How provocatively dressed I was,
I needed to be shown my 'real' place,
Rape was the only solution.

My better half defended me,
Faster we walked away,
From that petrifying scene,
I could still hear them,
Say that women aren't allowed to have fun.

"I will get what I want", he screamed,
What gave them the guts to have a claim over me?
"Manhood gives me the right to rape!"
There, I had got my answer.

He ran after me,
Caught hold of my arm and turned me around,
My heart was in my mouth,
I couldn't breathe,
"How dare you!", he yelled at me,
"Alcohol is for men, not inferior species like you!"

My better half pushed him away,
Only to be called a coward,
For protecting a woman,
Who needed to kept under a man's feet,
To be used, raped and trampled on.

As I fled away from the scene,
My better half running after me,
I knew that I would never revisit this memory,
It daunted my present,
Even the society believed that,
I had asked to be raped.

Am I a free sex toy?
Can't I keep up with technology and use mobile phones?
Was it Bollywood's influence or was it their belief that they would never be punished?
For it was not a crime in their eyes,
It was a way of life,
It was a part of being a man,
Survival of the fittest.

Was he under drugs or alcohol?
Or was he a dog which gets turned on beyond control seeing a bitch?
Did he believe that I wouldn't complain?
Or did he know that society would invariably take his side?
Did he think that ruining my honor would drive me to suicide?
So that he can rest his case?

Delhi gang-rape,
16 rapes in 48 hours,
Violence against women,
Why?
Has humanity been laid to rest?

Respect women,
Remember that the actions you do today,
Will find its way back to you in the future,
Remember that while you assault a random women on the road,
Another random man might be assaulting your sister.
Remember that what goes around comes around.

Above all,
Remember that India has woken up from its slumber,
Remember that the time for change has indeed come,
Remember that nobody gave you the right to harass a person,
Or take their life away,
For you are rudely snatching away,
Their dreams, ambitions, plans and their right to live.


P.S: I read the newspaper and all I see throughout is women being raped in different parts of the country. Inspite of the protests across the country, nothing seems to be make an effect. What can we do to spread awareness that rape is wrong? How can we strengthen laws so that rapists get aware that they will be punished for their act?

P.P.S: Akanksha Dureja's blogpost made me write this poem. The reasons why men rape have been majorly borrowed from her article.
 


01 January, 2013

Happy New Year! :)

I thought of all the people who were dancing away to glory. I thought of my friends who were partying with their families. I looked around me; a bed ready to sleep in, a family that's fast asleep and no signs of celebration. I listened to the whirling sound of the fans, the buzzing of the mosquito coil, the boom of fireworks and when I listened deeply, I heard the sound of a heart that was all ready to face what the year was bringing. I wasn't lonely, I was alone. I was in the midst of something that had kept me company so long, my heartbeat. I was scared, nervous, worried and uncertain about the future, but I was ready to face my fears, laugh my inhibitions, to hug and kiss and embrace life with love. I was ready to be dazzled.

The year 2012 went away so quickly that I have no idea what happened when I reflect on it. But there a few lessons that I learnt and a few moments that have turned into memories, that I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. Whizzing through 2012..

Lessons:

- I learnt that failure isn't final. I learnt that one makes a decision to fail by refusing to get up. Life will have its ups and downs and it is upto us to make the best out of it.

- I learnt that love is of different forms. A mom's yelling, a dad's advice, a friend's hug, a smile from a stranger, the tears that accompany happy times, they are all love. Love is a feeling, an emotion, a positive vibe. Spread it in your way. You might not be loved the way you want to be, but remember how blessed you are to be loved.

- We meet people in the most unexpected of times and might hit it off. A couple of years later, we might lose that person. They might walk out of our life just as suddenly as they came in. Cry if you must for losing that person, but hold on to the memories. Cherish them. Sometimes, people come into our lives for a reason, to be there when life makes an unexpected turn and to support us through it.

- Live life with the thought that all this might end one day. The things that we so often take for granted might not be there. Say thank you more often and show that you care. Sometimes, the only way to get it out and make it known is to say it, no matter how hard it might be.

Memories:

- The date that would never repeat in a century was one of the best days of my year life. I got a love package from a wonderful friend/sister and there is nothing that has made me feel more loved than the letter she wrote me. I love her with all my heart and can't thank God enough for giving me someone like her.

My 5ft. dosa :D
- My birthday was a great day, spent with the ones I love and care about.

- 5th September, 2012 was a special day to me. It taught me that love was essentially about perseverance and being there when the time's right AND wrong. There's no excuse for not being there for someone if you love them.

- I had a healthy start to the year. Apart from the occasional flu, it was all in all a healthy year. But, 2012 ended on an unhealthy note. Being scheduled for surgery and health problems. I know it will get better. I will get better. :)

- I finished a year of college in June 2012! In second year now, a senior. :D

- Started to write my book! 10 chapters down and going strong!

- I blogged better than I did last year, in terms of both quality and quantity. I feel so good about it! I tried my hand at 50 Fiction and if I may say so myself, I didn't write all that bad! :D

- We shifted out of our permanent home into a temporary house with my cousin sister, her husband, my nephew and niece. My house has been demolished and is under construction. Can't wait for January 2014 to move back to a new home!

Resolutions:

- To read 70 books in 2013 and note down what books I have read.

- To spend more time with my best friends and family and appreciate the relationship we share.

- To not judge anyone, based on looks, incidents, rumors and gossips, but be open minded and listen to them. I will remember that I haven't walked in their shoes.

- To stop spending time with people who talk/think/spend time with me only when they need a favor. (Easier said than done *sigh!*)

- I will work out more often, a 25 minute walk everyday and yoga every alternate day.

- To continue writing my book, no matter what obstacles I face in my path and to write it to the best of my capabilities.

- I will try my best to blog atleast 15 days in a month! I hope I stick to this till the end of the year and further.

- I will reduce my freaky organizational tendency and stop being so obsessive about it. (I doubt I will stick to this!)

- I will be more productive and find out what works for me.

- To get better grades in the two semesters this year. College is expensive, if you're there to party, there are cheaper alternatives. So might as well make it worth it.


That's about it! Here a few photos from this year..

A collage I made for my best friend as a new year gift :)

A very close family friend's son got married :)

Spent a lot of time with this little guy! My nephew :)

Did a lot of water-work ;)

This girl is my queen! Love you little sis!

This tiny creature grew up so much this year and stole my heart! Niece :)

Birthday cake dosa :D



 My favorite i/c at my favorite place with my best friend! *glutton* :P

Best friend/sister's engagement! :)

Best friends of 7 years *touch wood* I love you!!

Spent so much time with this guy! Best best friend ever. :)

All in all, a great year! Lessons learnt, memories made, mistakes forgiven and forgotten, bonds rebonded, love expressed and life lived. All I have now is hope. I hope to have a fantastic year ahead and I hope you do too!!

Happy New Year!! :) 

Hugs!


Love,