18 May, 2014

Perspective.

"I'm telling you Tisha, what you did was wrong!"

My mum yelled through the line, before I heard the sound of the receiver being banged down. I couldn't fathom what enraged her so much. Was it the fact that I hadn't done what would please her or was it because she couldn't see it the way I was seeing it? It all seemed strange to me.

I just gave birth to twins, a couple hours ago. My husband of four years is delighted with his progeny. I'm constantly surrounded by bickering visitors, oohing and aahing on how my babies' nose resembles mine and their eyes resemble my husband's and so on. My mum refused to come see me or my kids. She had refused to come to my marriage ceremony, as I married a guy against her wishes. Hashish and I had been in a relationship for five years before we got married. I am a Gujarati, while he is a Kashmiri. We come from different backgrounds, you know, the typical two states story.

Mum felt that my life would be happy and complete only if I married a Gujarati, gave up my job, learnt home skills and produced children within a year of marriage. She expected that I follow the society's standards of marriage. I rebelled, married inter-caste, worked three years while staying away from the husband and had kids only now. My mum falsely blamed Hashish of cheating on me, when I worked abroad many, many miles away from him. Was it because she was insecure? Had the society influenced her so much that she cared about pleasing them more than my happiness?

My mum and I didn't speak for years after, cause she said that just my voice made her furious. It's here that I realized that my mum's perspective was different from mine. I cannot judge her perspective to be right or wrong, it is one that she is entitled to, but something that I am free to disagree with. Sometimes when we make decisions, we have to remember that not everyone would see things the way we view them. Each person will have a different opinion - some biased too. We can either understand their perspective and try to find a common ground, which I believe rarely happens, we can give into their understanding of the world or we can follow what we feel is right for us. The choice is up to us.

When I think back, I wonder what if my mum had been right? What if Hashish was cheating on me? I would be a divorcee today, probably remarried, living a life where I had made decisions that I felt were right. The society would look down on me for being a divorcee, but who cares? They wouldn't have had my back when I was down. When you see someone with a broken wing, try to mend it if you can, if not, step back and let them heal. Don't force your perspective of things on them or judge their failures. They're stronger than you will ever know.

Mum, look past your point of view. Look past the walls that you have built around yourself. Give yourself the freedom to climb walls and see things with a new pair of eyes, cause then you will see new dimensions to every aspect of life around you.

I will always love you.

~ Tisha



6 comments:

  1. Nice urging thought...no matter what happens it's you what actually matters..and at the end the people with broken wings are far more strong and experienced.

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  2. Loved it :)

    Sply this one When you see someone with a broken wing, try to mend it if you can, if not, step back and let them heal.

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    1. Thanks N :) That's my favourite line as well!

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  3. The India society still is very immature and hard on so called rules, but its time we change such rigid norms.

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    1. Very very true V. It's time we move forward with our thinking..
      Thanks for the comment!

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